More on the medical industry.

Open letter to all doctors everywhere

Dear Doctors everywhere,

First off, I'd like to remind you that everyone is different.  I'd like to ask you not to judge a book by its cover.  If you saw my test results and then came in to talk to a skinny person, the conversation would have gone much differently.  You would have asked questions and let that person be a part of their health plan.

I have never been afforded such dignity.

It is my feeling that at least half of what comes out of your mouth should be questions.  The other half can be advice, but the questions should come first and if the advice discounts the questions, then let me remind you to always listen to your patient's answers!

Do not assume. It makes an ass of only YOU in this situation.

Also, the BMI has been discounted as an acceptable gauge to determine healthy weight in adults by nearly the entire scientific community EXCEPT DOCTORS.  Maybe you should go back to test results.  I'll grant you that my weight is a problem, but my friend is barely above the anorexic looking weight she used to be and was told she is obese at her last appointment.  She looks good, she's healthy, and she's super active.  My brother in law runs every day, looks super healthy, and everyone assumes he is, but his BAD Cholesterol is through the roof AND his GOOD Cholesterol is extremely low.  His doctor does not make him feel ashamed.

Consider that for a moment.  Are you shaming your patients?  Then stop it.

Now I'd like to point out that if an anorexic or bulimic person walks into your office and says he/she is depressed, you are likely to suggest therapy and sympathetic intervention.  You don't just say "Eat more" or "binge less" and send them on their way, do you?  No.  It's well proven to be about mental health (control issues ARE mental health problems, people!)

So why are fat people not considered as possibly having a root cause?  No.  It's just lack of will power.  That's dismissive.  I think anorexic people lack will power to look in the mirror and be okay with themselves.  (Whether I really believe that or not is beside the point.  You see where I'm going with that argument, right?)

And when I mentioned in my appointment that I lost a bunch of weight, got depressed, and gave up, why did that not alarm you?  Frankly, it should have.  Frankly, I've considered suicide at least a dozen times in the last two years.  Frankly, I don't know how to ask for help because when I do, people tell me losing weight is the answer.

But it wasn't the fucking answer.

Sincerely,
Patients everywhere (especially the overweight, chubby, fat, and obese ones)

Every Day

Still, every day is a struggle.

I make associations to over eating and addiction a lot.  People smoke, drink, do drugs to escape reality, cope, forget about the things that upset them, to avoid dealing with mental issues they might have.  It's not always as simple as chasing a high.  I've heard people say they overeat to feel comfort or fill a void and I'm not sure I can say that strikes an exact chord, but eating does call to me when my mental state is hurting.  Of course, eating may then cause poorer mental states, but so does drinking and smoking.

There is, however, one huge difference between ending a chemical dependency and trying to diet.  One of the main goals of quitting smoking, drinking, etc is to get to place where you don't think about it every minute of every day.  You use many tools, including mind over matter, to put it out of your mind and end that thought process.

A human cannot end their dependency on food.  When we are not watching our weight, we are not thinking about food.  This is how our dependency on fat and sugars is created, but NOT thinking.  When we want to lose weight, it will only work if you ARE thinking about food and exercise every minute of every day.  Not only do you have to talk yourself out of temptation, you have to talk yourself into the right choices.

FOR ME it was easier to quit smoking and is easier for me to quit caffeine (which I never do permanently, but I do from time to time).  I cannot say that dieting is more difficult that quitting heroin as I've never been a hardcore drug addict.  I can say, however, that the battle might be longer.  While coke addicts have been known to say that they still wish they could do it years and years after they quit, the ones I know personally have also admitted it's only an occasional thought.  Someone prone to weight problems has to think about food and such every single day for the rest of their lives.  Let your guard down and the next thing you know, you're plumping out again.  Take a break and you know that losing weight is a tough train to get back on.

Mental Relation
The fact is, I'm having to admit that my mental state relates completely to my eating habits and I can no longer blame my eating habits for my mental state.  I've known this to be true for a long time, but I read and hear so much from thin people saying that eating causes these mental problems that I don't feel I can speak out and say sometimes (probably most of the time!) it's the other way around so give me a break.  Give all of us a break.  Mental health coverage in this country sucks.  Maybe if it was better, we could bring these things to light.

I feel any moods I experience are blamed on my weight, and that implies they are not real.  The problem I am having now is that I know I cannot fix my weight UNTIL I fix other things, but I cannot figure out how to do that.  I'm stuck in a cycle.  It's exhausting.

Heat
Walking in the heat sucks.  It's not going to cool lower than 85 until after 10 pm for the next few days.  ARGH!  It's SO hot.  ALL the time.  It gets so warm in the morning.  Scott and I still go together.  Can we go in the morning?  Well, yes if I want to wake up at 3:30 because he starts getting ready for work at 4:10 and works at 6.  We can't go later than 8 at night, either, because with that early work schedule, he has to go to bed early, plus he has his eyesight problems so we can't go after dusk or he can't see minor things like big sidewalk cracks... he's tripped on them more than once.

ARGH.  I wish we could afford a gym membership sometimes.... like when it is hot or when there is ice on the sidewalks...

Bunch of info...

I am, by no means, saying that the way I eat (when dieting) is healthy.  Probably not, but I stumbled over to Health.com this morning and found a few things that support things I have been saying either here on my blog or in real life.

27 Mistakes Healthy People Make got my attention mostly because of my rants about how people think skinny means healthy.  Even this title says so.  I sort of wish it said 27 Mistakes "Healthy" People Make.  Of course, this is just the beginning.  #1 - buying organic.  People think buying organic is healthier.  "Buying organic is wise for certain foods, such as beef or strawberries, but it doesn't make much difference for others, like avocados or eggs.  
And don't assume that all organic foods are healthier than non-organic options, or that organic equals healthy. Organic choices are usually pricier, for one thing. And organic high-calorie, high-fat granola bars and sugary cereals are just as bad for you as the non-organic version."
My note: Buying organic is a bloated politically correct thing we are supposed to to if we care about the environment.  I learned that "organic" as often an advertising ploy as tainted as anything else.  Example: Generally, cows raised for milk are given antibiotics constantly.  True.  Organic means some governing agency has made sure the cows have never had antibiotics or other medication.  True.  Then I saw a farmer who sells his milk and cheese at a farmer's market because he does not qualify as either organic or non-organic.  Why?  Because he does not distribute antibiotics to his animals *unless they are sick*.  Humane.  He wanted to become organic because, he claims, he realizes the milk is better without those antibiotics and growth hormones, but he also could not stand by and watch his animals die because they caught something and in order to be certified organic, you have to just let them die.  Wow.  Well, we don't eat much beef in this family and we mainly buy soy milk because of allergies to cow's milk so cheese is my only worry and...well... that's processed and such in a way that I can't justify "organic" cheese.

Besides, organic products always cost more.  Someone is making more money by slapping that label on there.  I realize that it's supposed to be because it costs more to raise things this way (you lose more crops, more cows, whatever and those have to be replaced) and it's a simple supply and demand issue - it will continue to cost more as popularity for it rises.

I won't go through these one by one, but they list a bunch of things I know are true.  Don't skimp on sleep.  Socialize more (that was interesting, but I do see the value.  Like sleep, our mental health affects our physical health.)

Supplements - I heard this pyramid scheme which sells diet shakes so that it's "legit" saying that you should never take supplements because your body doesn't digest it and use it.  It simply goes through and you poop it out.  Classy.  Also, wrong.  Your body uses what it can.  If there is too much of something, your liver and kidneys are there to get rid of it.  Granted, this article points out you can still be taking too much, but I think we sometimes forget that our bodies are efficient machines.

Germaphobes (slide #8) - But evidence also suggests that some germ exposure could steer the immune system away from allergies, and that an overly sterile environment might be bad.


I'm quite sure I did a post about this before.  Your immune system gets stronger by fighting things off.  Yeah, take precautions, but don't overdo!

#9 You over- or underdo alternative remedies
Agreed.  I believe both are very useful, but so many I talk to seem to think it's one or the other.  Don't discount the herbal remedies, but don't believe whatever the doctor is selling without question, either.



#13 - calorie free sodas.  yeah, it's my weakness.  I know I did better when I cut way back on them, but even when losing weight, I did have a little every day.  My guilty pleasure.  I defend the fact that people should remember that if they can narrow down just one thing that makes the whole diet thing bearable, then find a way to work that in.  Love sweets?  Allow yourself a piece of Extra's dessert gum or one can of soda per day.   I'm sure we shouldn't have it at all to be truly healthy, but for me this is what helps me make it through.  My husband loves salty chips so we buy Special K snacks or Baked Lays.  Low in salt, but just enough to get him through from time to time.

#14 - water... they are talking about drinking too much, but I admit, I don't drink enough.  This amused me.  The other day I was told that our body only recognizes straight water as water.  "It thinks" anything else is food.  Personifying is one of those annoying things people do.  The body is a machine.  Cells, fat, and the liver don't think, they simply process.  I know that you can't count soda or Gatorade as your daily water intake, but your body doesn't think my coffee is food.  I also know if I drink 16 oz of coffee, my body does not get 16 oz of water from that.

#16 - you think you know more than your doc.

Sometimes you do.  Yeah, I think some people are looking at things on the internet and believing what they read because it sounds good (or bad, sometimes) but they don't look at the supporting facts that prove it's wrong.  People who don't immunize at all are following a trend that seems informed, but in reality, there is way way way more information showing why you should.  They don't bother to research why they question, they just think they are being informed.

Meanwhile, we've had diagnoses from a doctor that is complete nonsense.  We look at symptoms on the internet and realize the doc made the diagnosis based solely on weight, not on symptoms.  A person with sleep apnea is often fatigued, snores, doesn't breathe in the middle of the night, etc, etc.  Scott had anxiety over our house fire and the doctor decided the anxiety was due to lack of sleep which was due to apnea.  Later, the same doctor decided he needed diabetic medication because he was not told about a blood test that day and ate a blueberry bagel before the blood test which spiked the blood once.  Since then, his levels have been well below normal - below the numbers that have had other family members taken off their diabetic meds, yet he is still on them.  I get frustrated because he listens to these doctors too much.  I think it's a balance.  Listen to your doctor, but it's okay to question them as well.

#17 - You think healthy packaging equals healthy food.

Ha, so true!  Healthy food is a marketing ploy and it is working because people buy into these things without research or question!  I saw a documentary about food and I loved this one guy who pointed out that he could sell you a bag of sugar that says "fat free!" but it will still make you fat.  People don't realize that while there are good fats and bad fats, both should be limited, but cutting out all bad fats won't make you thin, by itself.  You also have to simply eat less.  You feel hungry sometimes, sure, but you have to just eat less.  Fat free isn't helpful unless you still count calories or something.

#19 - you still don't eat your fruits and veggies.

Oh, thank god!  It's not just me!  I mean, I try every day, but....

$24 - You don't read nutrition labels.

I do, now, and I have to say it is eye opening!  Often, I'll be at a party or lunch and hear people say things that I know aren't true about certain foods because I've read the label and obviously they haven't.   Kashi go lean might have more fiber, but the "go lean" is deceiving because Eggo waffles and most cereals we buy are lower in both calories and fat than Kashi products... so what are they comparing it to?  go lean from what?  A pound of bacon for breakfast?  Yes.  Leaner than Cheerios?  Nope.

Okay, that's enough blathering for today.  I just realized the time and I need to start my other tasks for the day...

What to do?

What do you do when you realize that you are back at the beginning?

We're still walking every day; great.  I know I've chastised myself a lot on my eating behaviours, but they aren't quite as bad as they were, I don't think.  I eat really bad once or twice a week, but I was eating badly for every meal, every day, with unhealthy snacks in between.  Now, at least, I eat totally healthy Monday through Friday from morning until dinner.  Last week, Jane was out of school for a week and I took her out to lunch twice, then we had our bad habits weekend and I felt like such total crap Sunday night - I'm still recovering!  I know I could have eaten that way every day 5 years ago and been just fine.

I shouldn't chastise the 'him' in this program, but I am so incredibly frustrated!  Several evenings lately, I've cooked a healthy dinner.  He goes back for seconds and thirds; what was once our leftovers for a second night or lunches the next day which means the next day, new food.

The logistics here is that when you go on a diet, we know people say a concern when you're on a tight budget is the cost of healthy foods.  I totally agree, but if you moderate the amounts of food and stop buying junk food, it sort of evens itself out.

Now, we haven't been eating fantastic for a while, but we've still been doing okay.  After last grocery trip, I was a little upset about the bill and have been monitoring the household ever since.  This made me notice that 'he's eating healthy foods, sure, but having large amounts.  This is what led to buying cheap, fatty foods the first time around!

And I'm having flash backs.  There were so many times I tried to eat healthier - not necessarily offering half a plate of veggies and a tiny serving of meat, but I would only prepare a decent size meal for each of us instead of enough for a small army.  (This was an adjustment for us both coming from households of 7-8 kids...)  If I prepared only that much, he'd go back and make something else to eat.  Often in smelled good and I'd eat it too, bad on me, but I don't do that now.  I just stew in frustration because the grocery bill goes up and the only way I know to bring it back down is to fall back to those things you can buy that are more junk for less money.

I'm also seeing that there are lots of nights when we end up eating out because I'm tired or he won't help me make a decision on dinner until fast food comes into the list of possibilities.  I'm just exhausted.  I begged him last night to help me make good choices.  I mentioned that I was really tired and had a headache (this is not a common complaint so I don't think I deserved to be sidelined.  Even on the rare occasion I have a headache, I usually don't mention it and I try not to act like it.) I tried making dinner and getting feedback from him about chicken or spaghetti and he sat there like a bump on the log until I asked where the coupons went.  I was looking for shopping coupons I needed to put away, but he finally moved, grabbed the restaurant coupons, and started participating in the choices.  I chose something I happened to know was pretty okay, but the habit of going out to eat HAS to stop!

Since we started this whole venture, he has gotten a new job and a raise so now we can afford to go out more than we could and frankly I can still afford to buy that healthy food in higher portions I mentioned above, but it's not like we're so well off that those choices don't end up affecting other things we can buy.  We did frugal for so long, that now I could use a new vacuum, washer, dryer, and I recently splurged on a broom, but now that we could put money aside, we find ourselves eating out more.  How can I win?

I'll give up flavor sometimes for a simple chicken tender and salad meal.  He doesn't flat out complain, but he makes it clear that it's too much green, not enough food, and not enough flavor by drowning in sauces, eating all the leftovers, then poking around the fridge for something else to eat.

Sideways observation: You see those people on TV sometimes who are so large and they don't get out of bed.  Someone brings them 15 cheeseburgers just for lunch and that person gets blamed for enabling.  Some other day, you see some couple and she's saying "he calls me fat and tells me what to eat" - usually you find out those weren't his exact words, but he claims he is just trying to help her, lovingly, and the response is typically "you don't tell someone you love that they are fat.  You don't imply it or hint at it."  Because that doesn't help.  They don't feel like doing something about it if you say something negative.  So what to do?  According to psychologists as well as the public response I've observed on those lame "healthy living" newcasts and articles I've been reading online; we don't tell they they are fat, don't point out their bad habits, and don't enable them.  Seriously.  That's what I am trying to do, but it's affecting ME.  We're married.  It's bullshit to say that you have to do it for yourself if you're in a relationship with someone with BAD HABITS.  It's unrealistic and just continues the problem.  There's got to be a solution, but I can't seem to find it.

I just feel like it's a major regression.  I'm trying and trying to make improvements, but I am met with grumpy resilience until I concede or, if I'm determined enough not to concede, I have to drum up the strength to face it again tomorrow and every day after.  It's what made me give up on asking him to go walking until he had a health scare and it's what made cooking for myself difficult for years. It's also what makes me depressed and tired all the time.

Bad Habits die hard

Well, I think I can say I have almost quit smoking; one cigarette in the last week.  I will officially say that quitting smoking is easier than dieting or changing eating habits.  This makes sense, of course, because when we quit something like smoking, we can rid ourselves of the tastes, the habits associated with it, and the triggers.  Well, when one of the main triggers for eating poorly is hunger, you have to make the decision every few hours, every day, every week and it gets tough sometimes.

Of course, the mental triggers are a big issue, too.  For me, stress is a mental trigger for smoking, but I do okay finding other ways to deal with it.  (Not necessarily better.  Sometimes it's talking, talking, talking - not a yell, but at a high enough volume and manic enough to be annoying.  Other times, it's crying.)  When I overeat, it's because I'm depressed, lonely, or need comfort.  Obviously I can go out and do things at those times to improve my mood, but too often, the outside activity also involves eating (esp in winter) because I despise shopping, don't enjoy the theater all that much, and what else can you do to stay warm?

Speaking of crying, I have heard this before, but three times this week I've heard guys say that crying is blackmail.  Well, I think I am weak if I cry, but that pisses me off.  Yeah, Scarlet O'Hara and her kind might use it to manipulate you, but if you're with a woman who doesn't cry on command, please, when she does cry, take it seriously!  I'm the first to admit that some women will manipulate in multiple ways, are demanding, the use and abuse.  It's not my fault if you hook up with one of them.  Try going for a woman who is intelligent and honest instead of focusing on long hair and big eyes and maybe you'll stop buying into those ideas like "crying is blackmail."  Sorry... had to rant.  That just came up a bunch altogether and after that last time I heard it, I couldn't let it go again, but I wasn't in a position to tell off the person who said it.  Bleh.

Whew!

Not a single puff since Tuesday!  I think rough patch is over.  Even if something bad happens, I think I can resist the temptation of smoking now.  Hopefully.  I am almost positive that I'm to the point where I can smoke one if I freak out and then not need another for months.  I'll take that.  I'll take anything less than every day and feeling the need to buy a pack instead of just a want.

As for the other things, well... I don't get it.  I have done it so I know I can do it.  Why can't I seem to get on track?  I know before I was focused on eating better, not over eating, and exercising.  Now I can only seem to think about the lbs I want lose.  The mindset might be the problem, but it is honestly something I've been trying to talk myself into for weeks and it is not happening.  Two nights ago (yeah, coincidence that it was the first day I had gone completely without smoking?  I doubt it.)  I said "I give up!" and then I just ate whatever I wanted.  The sucky part is I didn't feel bad about it.  Or maybe it's good that I didn't feel bad because I am so tired of feeling bad about things; feeling guilty for not dieting and thinking everyone who knows I have lost a bunch of weight is looking at me and thinking I'm a failure for eating a mozzarella stick...  OH melty cheeses.  You are my frenemy.

Keeping myself busy partly by making more stuff for my Etsy page (between temp job, running errands, and yes, I've actually been getting some writing and a lot of editing done).  Busy is the key, I think.

Gum supply: dented, but hanging in there.  In fact, I think I need a some starlight mint ice cream...in gum form.  Thank you Extra!

Last week, good!  Weekend, bad!  Sensing a theme?  I just get tired of it all.

BUT from cutting way back on smoking to quitting altogether, it has been all good.  I know "they" say cold turkey is best or gum or whatever, but I have this theory that you get used to the amount of nicotine in your system so first try to reduce that amount until it's comfortable.  Then, maybe, hopefully, cold turkey won't seem so bad.  I'm sure next week I'll have an update on that, but last night we cleared out the cigarettes. Today we are planning our walk to the market and to buy crickets which is the opposite direction of where we walk to buy smokes and for the most part we have plans all week to give us something, anything to do hoping that boredom won't become the excuse.

Still going to try eating right, but frankly I expect it will get harder as the week continues.

I do think I have every flavor of gum on the planet in our cupboard though...

Update

Yes, we've been neglectful.  We've actually been back onto good eating habits along with continuing our walks for the last few weeks.  My scale broke, but if my pants are an indication, I've lost at least a few little pounds.

Back on track
Things that are hard to get back to resisting: baking (I so LOVE to bake!), putting sauces on food to make them more palatable, and choosing butter OR jam for toast; not both.  In comparing stories, I hear much about how people think they are eating better, but can't lose weight.  One thing I notice on counting calories is they skip counting cream in coffee, butter on toast, etc, etc.  So, this is my official statement to remind people, you must count everything that passes your lips, even if they are hanging on to something else like a little parasite.  Low fat, low calorie dressings still add calories to your salad.  Nuts may contain good fats, but also a lot of calories.  Adding croutons, nuts, raisins, OR bacon bits to a salad can make it more tasty.  Adding all of them makes it a hamburger (from the calorie perspective.)

It's all about choices and when you are confining yourself to a strict diet of difficult choices, it makes other things easier to avoid.  Today I thought I might treat myself to that leftover cupcake from book club last week.  I kept it covered, but took a bite and...it was tasty, but a little dry.  Not delectable so I realized that in my moment of weakness I was about to sell out several hundred calories for that disappointment and I threw it away.  If I'm going to have a goodie, it better be melt in the mouth, taste-bud party delicious.  Otherwise I'll save it for a reliable tasty goodness like my favourite creamer in coffee or a little cheese on my tomato bisque lunch.

Other things: I turned on TV the other day to while away some time while making a Halloween decoration only to be confronted by a certain TV doctor (from over the rainbow?) who I regard highly, but who I do disagree with on rare occasion, touting the evils of artificial sweeteners.  Look, I know they aren't good for you, but I still say if you are trying to lose weight, unless you are the rare breed who can change their life completely overnight and not be tempted by anything, then it's a lesser evil.  In order to make the whole diet thing doable, I, personally, being a human being with thoughts, feelings, temptations, and weak moments, must have one treat a day to get me through.  For me, it's diet soda.  Sure I'd do better if I quit the soda, but that's unrealistic.  Asking someone to be 100% perfect in how they eat and how much the exercise is the unrealistic bit.  For some people, having nutra sweet makes them crave MORE sweets so if that's the case, they shouldn't use this substitute.  No one can do our exact diet because it wouldn't work for someone else.

Anyone who wants to eat healthy must hear the news every day and consider becoming anorexic because it's impossible to make sense of one study after another.  That being said, This TV Dr. mentioned the cancer risks associated with artificial sweeteners and this bothered me.  Just because you've heard something for decades doesn't make it true.  The fact is the one study showing cancer risks to mice in the 70s has been dis-proven hundreds of times.  I lost the article with the exact numbers, but I assure you it was a reputable source.  Besides, artificial sweeteners do not affect diabetes or tooth decay.  (I thought it did, but according to a New York Times article comparing sweeteners, they do not!  Good to know!)

I have some to realize that the knowledge we gain in high school health class is like basic math.  It's find for everyday life, but in order to solve REAL problems (like imbalance, losing weight, gaining weight, making up for allergies, etc) you need to know Calculus Nutrition.  I'm becoming a bit more Algebraic Nutritionist with all my research, but the way I live and eat day to day is more remedial.  I just feel so bombarded with information saying whatever choice you make is the wrong choice.  It's completely overwhelming! Of course, the information they fill our heads with is maintaining perfect nutrition.  If you're off, you'll need to compensate, and if you need to lose weight, well, forget it.  There really is, imo, no way to lose weight and still eat everything you're supposed to eat.  Still, it's better than OVEReating bad fats so I'll only defend the choices to a point.

When you are in a group, especially with women, there will always be that person who has the answer to your problems, too.  If you tell them you are doing everything, they will have the key to why you aren't losing weight.  They can be wrong, but still convinced because it is what worked for them.  There are the ones who convince you it's easy if you just hit the right formula or do this one trick they know.

It does get easier, I'll give them that, but it's not easy.  I repeat, is in not easy.  Not at any point, and especially at the jumping off point.  I think it's the combination of too much BAD information from sources people trust (the news, TV doctors, and uninformed physicians - who act like experts, but let's keep in mind they are required to stay refreshed on their specific specialty and between that, patients, and a personal life are unlikely to become armchair experts in anything else like nutrition), pressure from friends and family, people who make it sound like your social obligation to be thin, and people who make it all sound so easy that sets many people up for failure when it comes to weight loss.  At some point, just close your eyes, point, commit to a plan, and follow it no matter what else you learn along the way.  Of course if you realize you're not eating foods with potassium, you could adjust your diet to include bananas or if you have low iron, it might be good to pile on spinach to the salad or eat more meat, but every time a study pops up or someone tells you you are doing it wrong is not enough reason to quit or sabotage the plan.

Workouts
Last note, a few weeks ago I was told about a webpage <a href="http://www.skimble.com/">Skimble</a>.  It has a great variety of workouts and it's easy to find what you need to focus on.  It is designed as a smart phone app, but for those of us who like our phones stupid, it's still easy enough to navigate and do in front of the computer screen. We walk 7 days a week, but I do my other workouts 2-3 times a week (my goal is 3-4, but I have to be proud of every little accomplishment these days!) and I have found mixing these in keeps it lively.  Not all require equipment, but many do.  It's just another nice resource.

A few words about depression.

About 5 years ago when I joined Curves, they gave me a book.  I brought it home and it sat around for a couple of months before I read it and when I finally did, I found a lot of information I had heard before.  After years of being overweight, you become an arm chair expert on losing weight whether you like it or not.  Everyone has advice.  Pretty soon you start sorting out the information based on source and practicality.  The rest of it gets filed away and dismissed because it's a bunch of hooey.  Still, you hear it all.  The book had very little "new" information to share, but it did start out by offending me with its chapter about how eating is immature because it is giving in.  Whatever!  It's called survival instinct whether a person overeats or not.  It's about limits.  Calling eaters immature is a rude, bullying tactic - something I recognize quickly after years of school bullying.

Anyway, at the end of the book, it claimed to be reporting a series of studies showing how exercise affected depression.  The source they used had three groups; one that was on anti-depressant medication, one which combined medication and exercise, and the third used exercise alone to control depression.  According to them, of course, because we must sell, sell, sell the gym, they reported that the third group had the most success.

I've dealt with depression, too, and have gotten pretty damn good at hiding it.  I've heard eating right and exercise is all a person needs to get over it.  I've heard many things relating the two, actually.  Reading it in that book gave me so much hope - I pinned everything on it.

Today I would like to say to all those people who say exercise will help with depression: You are all liars.  LIARS.  After a number of months at  Curves, the depression started to settle in.  I tried doing things for other people.  I tried eating better.  I tried exercising even more.  I feel sure it wasn't related to my weight or weight loss because it wasn't something that came up when I felt bad, nor did thinking about those things make me feel worse.  I just felt blue, then down, then worse and nothing helped.  Nothing in my life gave cause for this (just to dispell people who think only when bad things happen to a person do they have the right to be depressed) it was just there like a dark shadow.

Well, maybe I have reason now, but my life is pretty good.  I have kept exercising great.  Yeah, I haven't been perfect on my diet, but I'm not eating a ton of bad stuff (except when I'm at parties.  I don't know what it is, but I'm allowing myself to indulge when I'm in a party setting more than I had been).  At home and most of the time, I eat within my calories and even when I go over, there are quite a few great things I'm eating so the bad isn't a bunch of Twinkies or potato chips.  Still, it's been bad.  Bad enough that I look back at that time at Curves and look at things now and have two cases where I can confirm YOU ARE ALL LIARS.  It is ridiculous to think a fat person is depressed because of how they eat or how much they exercise.  No one would accuse a skinny person of the same thing.

I don't want to talk about it too much, really, but trying to claw my way out is just as exhausting as being depressed in the first place.  Still, I think I've pretty well established my reluctance for medical help no matter how bad things get.  Hey, next time I almost bleed to death, I promise to go to a hospital.

Help, Advice, and things better left unsaid...

So I have taken a slight cut back on the diet and exercise recently, but I have been maintaining my weight.
I have a gentleman at work that keeps checking in with me on my progress once to twice a week.
I explained to him that I wasn't really losing and that I was maintaining my weight just fine.
BTW this is a person that has given me advice that I "should" follow the entire time. I have usually just ignored him, because what I am doing is working for me and as long as it is working I don't really need the advice on things that I need to change. A helpful suggestion on a tasty low cal meal is one thing (really appreciate those), but trying to design my methods for me is completely another.
Any how, when he finds out that I am not significanlty trying to lose weight he starts to tell me that I can't give up, what I need to do to keep focuses, and what my end result weight should be.
Now I am trying to figure out when I appointed him and my goal setter, cheer squad, and dietition. Still can't.
Enough was enough, I and finally asked him "When did my target weight become your desicion? When were you appointed to be the person to make my health habits? Finally, when can I have that responsibility back to me all me?" (He hasn't talked to me for over a week).
Morale of the story, be supportive of those that you care about and have made the choice to change the health and diet, but resist the urge (strongly resist) to worry about our diets. We don't expect you to change your meals when we're coming over to dinner. We can figure it out if we have a high cal meal or eat too much. Please continue to be who you are that is why we love you. It's when you become over bearing and start worrying for us or think that you have the right to make our choices for us that it crosses a line.
I sincerly mean this in the most loving way that I can, but sometimes the lines have to be defined so we don't offend you and you don't offend us!