What to do?

What do you do when you realize that you are back at the beginning?

We're still walking every day; great.  I know I've chastised myself a lot on my eating behaviours, but they aren't quite as bad as they were, I don't think.  I eat really bad once or twice a week, but I was eating badly for every meal, every day, with unhealthy snacks in between.  Now, at least, I eat totally healthy Monday through Friday from morning until dinner.  Last week, Jane was out of school for a week and I took her out to lunch twice, then we had our bad habits weekend and I felt like such total crap Sunday night - I'm still recovering!  I know I could have eaten that way every day 5 years ago and been just fine.

I shouldn't chastise the 'him' in this program, but I am so incredibly frustrated!  Several evenings lately, I've cooked a healthy dinner.  He goes back for seconds and thirds; what was once our leftovers for a second night or lunches the next day which means the next day, new food.

The logistics here is that when you go on a diet, we know people say a concern when you're on a tight budget is the cost of healthy foods.  I totally agree, but if you moderate the amounts of food and stop buying junk food, it sort of evens itself out.

Now, we haven't been eating fantastic for a while, but we've still been doing okay.  After last grocery trip, I was a little upset about the bill and have been monitoring the household ever since.  This made me notice that 'he's eating healthy foods, sure, but having large amounts.  This is what led to buying cheap, fatty foods the first time around!

And I'm having flash backs.  There were so many times I tried to eat healthier - not necessarily offering half a plate of veggies and a tiny serving of meat, but I would only prepare a decent size meal for each of us instead of enough for a small army.  (This was an adjustment for us both coming from households of 7-8 kids...)  If I prepared only that much, he'd go back and make something else to eat.  Often in smelled good and I'd eat it too, bad on me, but I don't do that now.  I just stew in frustration because the grocery bill goes up and the only way I know to bring it back down is to fall back to those things you can buy that are more junk for less money.

I'm also seeing that there are lots of nights when we end up eating out because I'm tired or he won't help me make a decision on dinner until fast food comes into the list of possibilities.  I'm just exhausted.  I begged him last night to help me make good choices.  I mentioned that I was really tired and had a headache (this is not a common complaint so I don't think I deserved to be sidelined.  Even on the rare occasion I have a headache, I usually don't mention it and I try not to act like it.) I tried making dinner and getting feedback from him about chicken or spaghetti and he sat there like a bump on the log until I asked where the coupons went.  I was looking for shopping coupons I needed to put away, but he finally moved, grabbed the restaurant coupons, and started participating in the choices.  I chose something I happened to know was pretty okay, but the habit of going out to eat HAS to stop!

Since we started this whole venture, he has gotten a new job and a raise so now we can afford to go out more than we could and frankly I can still afford to buy that healthy food in higher portions I mentioned above, but it's not like we're so well off that those choices don't end up affecting other things we can buy.  We did frugal for so long, that now I could use a new vacuum, washer, dryer, and I recently splurged on a broom, but now that we could put money aside, we find ourselves eating out more.  How can I win?

I'll give up flavor sometimes for a simple chicken tender and salad meal.  He doesn't flat out complain, but he makes it clear that it's too much green, not enough food, and not enough flavor by drowning in sauces, eating all the leftovers, then poking around the fridge for something else to eat.

Sideways observation: You see those people on TV sometimes who are so large and they don't get out of bed.  Someone brings them 15 cheeseburgers just for lunch and that person gets blamed for enabling.  Some other day, you see some couple and she's saying "he calls me fat and tells me what to eat" - usually you find out those weren't his exact words, but he claims he is just trying to help her, lovingly, and the response is typically "you don't tell someone you love that they are fat.  You don't imply it or hint at it."  Because that doesn't help.  They don't feel like doing something about it if you say something negative.  So what to do?  According to psychologists as well as the public response I've observed on those lame "healthy living" newcasts and articles I've been reading online; we don't tell they they are fat, don't point out their bad habits, and don't enable them.  Seriously.  That's what I am trying to do, but it's affecting ME.  We're married.  It's bullshit to say that you have to do it for yourself if you're in a relationship with someone with BAD HABITS.  It's unrealistic and just continues the problem.  There's got to be a solution, but I can't seem to find it.

I just feel like it's a major regression.  I'm trying and trying to make improvements, but I am met with grumpy resilience until I concede or, if I'm determined enough not to concede, I have to drum up the strength to face it again tomorrow and every day after.  It's what made me give up on asking him to go walking until he had a health scare and it's what made cooking for myself difficult for years. It's also what makes me depressed and tired all the time.