Happy Accidents and Annoying Struggles

Why is this extra delicious?

When we started our diet ages ago, I pretty much cut peanut butter out of my diet.  I love it immensely, but when calculating the amounts, I just didn't get enough long term satisfaction and often felt pretty hungry before dinner came along.  In actuality, I cut out tons of sauces, jams, and the like and started eating most foods plain (and often kind of bland) because those were calories I could spend better elsewhere.

Then we went off the extreme diet and tried to just eat healthy.  I'd have a good old pb&j (with less j than the old days and still on low cal bread) or I'd just have it on an apple slice or banana so I could still enjoy the flavor.  The point is, this made PB last months in our house.  I buy at Costco - 2 large jars.  I bought them a year ago and we just ran out last month so I picked up a regular jar at Target thinking it would last anyway.

Well, last week, I cut up and apple, doled out 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, and had it with coffee for breakfast.  Holy cow.  I thought "Is this what fresh peanut butter tastes like?  Were those jars older than I realized?"  So tasty!  I knew I had the same brand and had picked up creamy as usual.  Next morning, I had it on banana and could not get over how delicious it tasted.

Third day, I'm making a pb&j for Jane's lunch (we only do it about once a month or so because kids don't need all the sugar either, right?) and I look at the jar.  Huh.  Did they redesign the package?  It seems a little less blue.  Nope.  It's 25% less fat - and by this, about 50 calories less per serving!

Long story to say that I love love love when you think something tastes better and then realize it's better for you!

Full Disclosure

People often ask if we've lost more weight.  Simple question, but by now you've probably guessed it's kind of a pet peeve.  Frankly, it's no one else's business.  Mostly I buck up and admit we haven't, but we're trying to maintain.  Sometimes they say that's great, as long as you're not gaining.

But the secret is I do gain.  And lose.  And go back on the diet and fall off the wagon and up and down.  It's about a 10 pound fluctuation so it's not really anything to be concerned about, but I'd really like to go down down down.  Who wouldn't?  The stupid thing is I'll be doing great on the diet, lose a little, then get depressed before I fall off the wagon.  You'd think depression would come after?  Maybe my hormones are still off from the surgery last year, but... that's eighteen months ago.

Either way, I'm super frustrated and feeling again like there's no support.  When Scott wanted to lose weight, I supported him; just like when he wanted to go back to school and the time he wanted to change jobs after 16 years at one company.  Where's my support?  Not to complain because I've been appreciating him a lot more recently, but... when it comes to this, we can both stand to lose.  His balance isn't awesome at all, he's not very flexible, and he still gets winded if we speed walk - three things that are not true for me so on the overall health, it seems like I've got less work to do.

Well, anyway, now I'm high on frustration because I've been counting calories, working out extra, been very careful for two weeks now.  Just weighed myself and lost 1 pound.  In two weeks of feeling very stressed and working really hard, that number changing so slightly makes me angry and frustrated.  I don't know what to do to increase.  Yeah, I should be happy about one pound, but I can't be when I'm working as hard as I was when I was able to lose an average of 2 pounds a week - and the first weeks I lost more because of the change in diet so why isn't it working?

I guess because we weren't going way way overboard, but honestly the last couple of months, we have.  Makes me tired.  It also makes me want to hole up in the house whenever someone asks if I've lost more weight.  I mean, the fact that we did is obviously proof that we can and as we know, everyone else gets to decide my happy weight (insert 'sarcasm' sign here) so please.  Ask me about it more.  It's the only thing I am of value; my weight.

Off to do my first workout of the day, now, and try not to get discouraged.