Still, every day is a struggle.
I make associations to over eating and addiction a lot. People smoke, drink, do drugs to escape reality, cope, forget about the things that upset them, to avoid dealing with mental issues they might have. It's not always as simple as chasing a high. I've heard people say they overeat to feel comfort or fill a void and I'm not sure I can say that strikes an exact chord, but eating does call to me when my mental state is hurting. Of course, eating may then cause poorer mental states, but so does drinking and smoking.
There is, however, one huge difference between ending a chemical dependency and trying to diet. One of the main goals of quitting smoking, drinking, etc is to get to place where you don't think about it every minute of every day. You use many tools, including mind over matter, to put it out of your mind and end that thought process.
A human cannot end their dependency on food. When we are not watching our weight, we are not thinking about food. This is how our dependency on fat and sugars is created, but NOT thinking. When we want to lose weight, it will only work if you ARE thinking about food and exercise every minute of every day. Not only do you have to talk yourself out of temptation, you have to talk yourself into the right choices.
FOR ME it was easier to quit smoking and is easier for me to quit caffeine (which I never do permanently, but I do from time to time). I cannot say that dieting is more difficult that quitting heroin as I've never been a hardcore drug addict. I can say, however, that the battle might be longer. While coke addicts have been known to say that they still wish they could do it years and years after they quit, the ones I know personally have also admitted it's only an occasional thought. Someone prone to weight problems has to think about food and such every single day for the rest of their lives. Let your guard down and the next thing you know, you're plumping out again. Take a break and you know that losing weight is a tough train to get back on.
Mental Relation
The fact is, I'm having to admit that my mental state relates completely to my eating habits and I can no longer blame my eating habits for my mental state. I've known this to be true for a long time, but I read and hear so much from thin people saying that eating causes these mental problems that I don't feel I can speak out and say sometimes (probably most of the time!) it's the other way around so give me a break. Give all of us a break. Mental health coverage in this country sucks. Maybe if it was better, we could bring these things to light.
I feel any moods I experience are blamed on my weight, and that implies they are not real. The problem I am having now is that I know I cannot fix my weight UNTIL I fix other things, but I cannot figure out how to do that. I'm stuck in a cycle. It's exhausting.
Heat
Walking in the heat sucks. It's not going to cool lower than 85 until after 10 pm for the next few days. ARGH! It's SO hot. ALL the time. It gets so warm in the morning. Scott and I still go together. Can we go in the morning? Well, yes if I want to wake up at 3:30 because he starts getting ready for work at 4:10 and works at 6. We can't go later than 8 at night, either, because with that early work schedule, he has to go to bed early, plus he has his eyesight problems so we can't go after dusk or he can't see minor things like big sidewalk cracks... he's tripped on them more than once.
ARGH. I wish we could afford a gym membership sometimes.... like when it is hot or when there is ice on the sidewalks...
