This week, I swear! and other bad habits.

Bad weekend, but I swear I'm going to do better this week.  I am promising myself!!  Day by day.  Today starting off good.  I have plans for the rest of the day, but am staying current.  It's a moment by moment thing, but also a "have good plans" thing.  Working on both.

And taking sort-of advice from reader, I'm not going to weigh myself unless I notice a difference.  I fear not checking is how I let myself get so big before, but maybe it was just 'cause I didn't care.  I know that may also be part of the problem now... I just don't care.  At least I'm sticking to good habit, kind of.  Walking every single day, working out with videos a few times a week, but food is such a terrible temptation.

Bad habits
Last year I started smoking again.  A lot.  It's definitely a problem.  I used to smoke regularly, then I quit about 15 years ago.  Eventually I managed to smoke on and off (when cravings got really bad and I could have just started again)- like a weekend here and there, but I could always quit.  Now it's been about 15 months of constant, daily smoking.

Well, for about 4 weeks, I've been working up the courage to quit.  It seemed like too much to take one with the eating thing.  It's probably going to take me some time, but I have cut my intake considerably over the last week so I am hoping I can do it soon.

Again, don't want to blame spouse, but it's hard.  He smokes.  Always has.  He actually smoked very little when we dated and married so I didn't know it was going to be a problem.  A couple years later he picked it up and while he has also cut way back from what he was smoking, he still encourages me and invites me and makes it hard.  Blah.

Love him tons, but even those we love can exhaust us emotionally!

Kids
The thing is, when your kid gets to a certain point in school, they ask you to quit.  The school tells them to, I found out, which it totally fine.  I've seen this with Jane now as well as friends who smoke and their kids.  Now, while the school is telling these kids to ask their parents to quit, they leave out the part where withdrawal is really hard, makes you touchy and angry.  You have super low patience for everything and super hot temper for a few days.  Meanwhile, they are telling this to pre-teen kids who are already trying the patience of their parents.  AND, of course, NOT mentioning the side effects of coming off the nicotine so the kids know to be patient and behave and not fight back.

Beh.  I am mad at myself for starting up again, but I need to stop being mad and focus on quitting.  I know I can.  15 years is along time to go even if I smoked once in a while (like 3 times a year)

So, goodie - this blog may also start following those struggles too.