Well, I think I can say I have almost quit smoking; one cigarette in the last week. I will officially say that quitting smoking is easier than dieting or changing eating habits. This makes sense, of course, because when we quit something like smoking, we can rid ourselves of the tastes, the habits associated with it, and the triggers. Well, when one of the main triggers for eating poorly is hunger, you have to make the decision every few hours, every day, every week and it gets tough sometimes.
Of course, the mental triggers are a big issue, too. For me, stress is a mental trigger for smoking, but I do okay finding other ways to deal with it. (Not necessarily better. Sometimes it's talking, talking, talking - not a yell, but at a high enough volume and manic enough to be annoying. Other times, it's crying.) When I overeat, it's because I'm depressed, lonely, or need comfort. Obviously I can go out and do things at those times to improve my mood, but too often, the outside activity also involves eating (esp in winter) because I despise shopping, don't enjoy the theater all that much, and what else can you do to stay warm?
Speaking of crying, I have heard this before, but three times this week I've heard guys say that crying is blackmail. Well, I think I am weak if I cry, but that pisses me off. Yeah, Scarlet O'Hara and her kind might use it to manipulate you, but if you're with a woman who doesn't cry on command, please, when she does cry, take it seriously! I'm the first to admit that some women will manipulate in multiple ways, are demanding, the use and abuse. It's not my fault if you hook up with one of them. Try going for a woman who is intelligent and honest instead of focusing on long hair and big eyes and maybe you'll stop buying into those ideas like "crying is blackmail." Sorry... had to rant. That just came up a bunch altogether and after that last time I heard it, I couldn't let it go again, but I wasn't in a position to tell off the person who said it. Bleh.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Whew!
Not a single puff since Tuesday! I think rough patch is over. Even if something bad happens, I think I can resist the temptation of smoking now. Hopefully. I am almost positive that I'm to the point where I can smoke one if I freak out and then not need another for months. I'll take that. I'll take anything less than every day and feeling the need to buy a pack instead of just a want.
As for the other things, well... I don't get it. I have done it so I know I can do it. Why can't I seem to get on track? I know before I was focused on eating better, not over eating, and exercising. Now I can only seem to think about the lbs I want lose. The mindset might be the problem, but it is honestly something I've been trying to talk myself into for weeks and it is not happening. Two nights ago (yeah, coincidence that it was the first day I had gone completely without smoking? I doubt it.) I said "I give up!" and then I just ate whatever I wanted. The sucky part is I didn't feel bad about it. Or maybe it's good that I didn't feel bad because I am so tired of feeling bad about things; feeling guilty for not dieting and thinking everyone who knows I have lost a bunch of weight is looking at me and thinking I'm a failure for eating a mozzarella stick... OH melty cheeses. You are my frenemy.
Keeping myself busy partly by making more stuff for my Etsy page (between temp job, running errands, and yes, I've actually been getting some writing and a lot of editing done). Busy is the key, I think.
Gum supply: dented, but hanging in there. In fact, I think I need a some starlight mint ice cream...in gum form. Thank you Extra!
As for the other things, well... I don't get it. I have done it so I know I can do it. Why can't I seem to get on track? I know before I was focused on eating better, not over eating, and exercising. Now I can only seem to think about the lbs I want lose. The mindset might be the problem, but it is honestly something I've been trying to talk myself into for weeks and it is not happening. Two nights ago (yeah, coincidence that it was the first day I had gone completely without smoking? I doubt it.) I said "I give up!" and then I just ate whatever I wanted. The sucky part is I didn't feel bad about it. Or maybe it's good that I didn't feel bad because I am so tired of feeling bad about things; feeling guilty for not dieting and thinking everyone who knows I have lost a bunch of weight is looking at me and thinking I'm a failure for eating a mozzarella stick... OH melty cheeses. You are my frenemy.
Keeping myself busy partly by making more stuff for my Etsy page (between temp job, running errands, and yes, I've actually been getting some writing and a lot of editing done). Busy is the key, I think.
Gum supply: dented, but hanging in there. In fact, I think I need a some starlight mint ice cream...in gum form. Thank you Extra!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Last week, good! Weekend, bad! Sensing a theme? I just get tired of it all.
BUT from cutting way back on smoking to quitting altogether, it has been all good. I know "they" say cold turkey is best or gum or whatever, but I have this theory that you get used to the amount of nicotine in your system so first try to reduce that amount until it's comfortable. Then, maybe, hopefully, cold turkey won't seem so bad. I'm sure next week I'll have an update on that, but last night we cleared out the cigarettes. Today we are planning our walk to the market and to buy crickets which is the opposite direction of where we walk to buy smokes and for the most part we have plans all week to give us something, anything to do hoping that boredom won't become the excuse.
Still going to try eating right, but frankly I expect it will get harder as the week continues.
I do think I have every flavor of gum on the planet in our cupboard though...
BUT from cutting way back on smoking to quitting altogether, it has been all good. I know "they" say cold turkey is best or gum or whatever, but I have this theory that you get used to the amount of nicotine in your system so first try to reduce that amount until it's comfortable. Then, maybe, hopefully, cold turkey won't seem so bad. I'm sure next week I'll have an update on that, but last night we cleared out the cigarettes. Today we are planning our walk to the market and to buy crickets which is the opposite direction of where we walk to buy smokes and for the most part we have plans all week to give us something, anything to do hoping that boredom won't become the excuse.
Still going to try eating right, but frankly I expect it will get harder as the week continues.
I do think I have every flavor of gum on the planet in our cupboard though...
Monday, February 11, 2013
Trying for weekly update...
Last week was okay. Not good, but okay. Some ups and downs, some feeling fatter, but getting complimented a couple times for looking like I've lost weight. Always weird.
Peanut Butter... So, I thought the Skippy I bought before was 210 calories per serving and the delicious reduced fat was 180 so hey; saving 30, right? I went to buy a new jar, got looking and realized the regular Skippy is 190 so it only saves 10 calories. Don't care though. I still, personally, think it tastes better.
Which is my segue into nuts. First, I don't like nuts. I like the flavor of almonds and on occasion I'll snack on some pistachios, but in general, I don't like nuts. I don't buy them and usually pass them up at a snack bar.
So often, people will offer me some nuts. "No, thanks" because good manners says keep it simple. Why in this world do people need to say "NO! I'm deathly allergic." With that implied sound of "How dare you offer?" (leading me to other rude behaviours like launching into a medical history including diseases and problems for which people haven't been diagnosed, but they exhibit one or two symptoms on a small scale so are convinced they have it and the whole world should feel sorry for them or give allowances for their rude or ignorant behaviour because of it. End rant...sorry)
"They're good for you." Sometimes I slip up and respond to this with "nuts are kind of high in calories and I've been dieting, you know, so thanks, but I'm okay." I'm still polite, but.... this always ALWAYS leads to "But they are good fats."
Yes. Nuts have good fats. Nuts are kind of good for you - within reason. I often want to launch into a moderation speech, but always refrain myself. The fact is, nuts have good fats, but too much of them is still not good. There are serving size suggestions on bags of nuts just like every other food, but I'll see people complain they can't lose weight, thinking that eating good fats is a good way to fill up, and eat a tube of nuts that is supposed to serve 3 people. This is why the calorie method is just simpler. It might not be comprehensive, but just like people who exhibit one symptom of asperger's syndrome don't necessarily have it, those who know only a little about nutrition should not act like nutritionists. (See how I brought that back to my earlier rant? It's like I planned it!) It's complicated. The calorie method is simple.
I am aware I'm in the minority, though, because the new fad is Fitness Pal and once again, it didn't help me. Doctor's say they have way more success with patients who use groups and things like that, but it has never worked for me and though nothing else is working right now, when things WERE working, those groups halted progress and then I progessed again as soon as I stopped participating.
Clearly, I'm meant to be a lonely soul.
And now the smoking. Cut way way back, good. Quit altogether? {deep breath} No. Seriously, it's easier to quit smoking than to diet, though, so I know I can do it. Getting there. Not more than 24 hours, but close. Close. Trigger today is that I'm going out with the person who started me smoking again. I know she won't pressure me, but still, the temptation is there.
Peanut Butter... So, I thought the Skippy I bought before was 210 calories per serving and the delicious reduced fat was 180 so hey; saving 30, right? I went to buy a new jar, got looking and realized the regular Skippy is 190 so it only saves 10 calories. Don't care though. I still, personally, think it tastes better.
Which is my segue into nuts. First, I don't like nuts. I like the flavor of almonds and on occasion I'll snack on some pistachios, but in general, I don't like nuts. I don't buy them and usually pass them up at a snack bar.
So often, people will offer me some nuts. "No, thanks" because good manners says keep it simple. Why in this world do people need to say "NO! I'm deathly allergic." With that implied sound of "How dare you offer?" (leading me to other rude behaviours like launching into a medical history including diseases and problems for which people haven't been diagnosed, but they exhibit one or two symptoms on a small scale so are convinced they have it and the whole world should feel sorry for them or give allowances for their rude or ignorant behaviour because of it. End rant...sorry)
"They're good for you." Sometimes I slip up and respond to this with "nuts are kind of high in calories and I've been dieting, you know, so thanks, but I'm okay." I'm still polite, but.... this always ALWAYS leads to "But they are good fats."
Yes. Nuts have good fats. Nuts are kind of good for you - within reason. I often want to launch into a moderation speech, but always refrain myself. The fact is, nuts have good fats, but too much of them is still not good. There are serving size suggestions on bags of nuts just like every other food, but I'll see people complain they can't lose weight, thinking that eating good fats is a good way to fill up, and eat a tube of nuts that is supposed to serve 3 people. This is why the calorie method is just simpler. It might not be comprehensive, but just like people who exhibit one symptom of asperger's syndrome don't necessarily have it, those who know only a little about nutrition should not act like nutritionists. (See how I brought that back to my earlier rant? It's like I planned it!) It's complicated. The calorie method is simple.
I am aware I'm in the minority, though, because the new fad is Fitness Pal and once again, it didn't help me. Doctor's say they have way more success with patients who use groups and things like that, but it has never worked for me and though nothing else is working right now, when things WERE working, those groups halted progress and then I progessed again as soon as I stopped participating.
Clearly, I'm meant to be a lonely soul.
And now the smoking. Cut way way back, good. Quit altogether? {deep breath} No. Seriously, it's easier to quit smoking than to diet, though, so I know I can do it. Getting there. Not more than 24 hours, but close. Close. Trigger today is that I'm going out with the person who started me smoking again. I know she won't pressure me, but still, the temptation is there.
Monday, February 4, 2013
This week, I swear! and other bad habits.
Bad weekend, but I swear I'm going to do better this week. I am promising myself!! Day by day. Today starting off good. I have plans for the rest of the day, but am staying current. It's a moment by moment thing, but also a "have good plans" thing. Working on both.
And taking sort-of advice from reader, I'm not going to weigh myself unless I notice a difference. I fear not checking is how I let myself get so big before, but maybe it was just 'cause I didn't care. I know that may also be part of the problem now... I just don't care. At least I'm sticking to good habit, kind of. Walking every single day, working out with videos a few times a week, but food is such a terrible temptation.
Bad habits
Last year I started smoking again. A lot. It's definitely a problem. I used to smoke regularly, then I quit about 15 years ago. Eventually I managed to smoke on and off (when cravings got really bad and I could have just started again)- like a weekend here and there, but I could always quit. Now it's been about 15 months of constant, daily smoking.
Well, for about 4 weeks, I've been working up the courage to quit. It seemed like too much to take one with the eating thing. It's probably going to take me some time, but I have cut my intake considerably over the last week so I am hoping I can do it soon.
Again, don't want to blame spouse, but it's hard. He smokes. Always has. He actually smoked very little when we dated and married so I didn't know it was going to be a problem. A couple years later he picked it up and while he has also cut way back from what he was smoking, he still encourages me and invites me and makes it hard. Blah.
Love him tons, but even those we love can exhaust us emotionally!
Kids
The thing is, when your kid gets to a certain point in school, they ask you to quit. The school tells them to, I found out, which it totally fine. I've seen this with Jane now as well as friends who smoke and their kids. Now, while the school is telling these kids to ask their parents to quit, they leave out the part where withdrawal is really hard, makes you touchy and angry. You have super low patience for everything and super hot temper for a few days. Meanwhile, they are telling this to pre-teen kids who are already trying the patience of their parents. AND, of course, NOT mentioning the side effects of coming off the nicotine so the kids know to be patient and behave and not fight back.
Beh. I am mad at myself for starting up again, but I need to stop being mad and focus on quitting. I know I can. 15 years is along time to go even if I smoked once in a while (like 3 times a year)
So, goodie - this blog may also start following those struggles too.
And taking sort-of advice from reader, I'm not going to weigh myself unless I notice a difference. I fear not checking is how I let myself get so big before, but maybe it was just 'cause I didn't care. I know that may also be part of the problem now... I just don't care. At least I'm sticking to good habit, kind of. Walking every single day, working out with videos a few times a week, but food is such a terrible temptation.
Bad habits
Last year I started smoking again. A lot. It's definitely a problem. I used to smoke regularly, then I quit about 15 years ago. Eventually I managed to smoke on and off (when cravings got really bad and I could have just started again)- like a weekend here and there, but I could always quit. Now it's been about 15 months of constant, daily smoking.
Well, for about 4 weeks, I've been working up the courage to quit. It seemed like too much to take one with the eating thing. It's probably going to take me some time, but I have cut my intake considerably over the last week so I am hoping I can do it soon.
Again, don't want to blame spouse, but it's hard. He smokes. Always has. He actually smoked very little when we dated and married so I didn't know it was going to be a problem. A couple years later he picked it up and while he has also cut way back from what he was smoking, he still encourages me and invites me and makes it hard. Blah.
Love him tons, but even those we love can exhaust us emotionally!
Kids
The thing is, when your kid gets to a certain point in school, they ask you to quit. The school tells them to, I found out, which it totally fine. I've seen this with Jane now as well as friends who smoke and their kids. Now, while the school is telling these kids to ask their parents to quit, they leave out the part where withdrawal is really hard, makes you touchy and angry. You have super low patience for everything and super hot temper for a few days. Meanwhile, they are telling this to pre-teen kids who are already trying the patience of their parents. AND, of course, NOT mentioning the side effects of coming off the nicotine so the kids know to be patient and behave and not fight back.
Beh. I am mad at myself for starting up again, but I need to stop being mad and focus on quitting. I know I can. 15 years is along time to go even if I smoked once in a while (like 3 times a year)
So, goodie - this blog may also start following those struggles too.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Happy Accidents and Annoying Struggles
Why is this extra delicious?
When we started our diet ages ago, I pretty much cut peanut butter out of my diet. I love it immensely, but when calculating the amounts, I just didn't get enough long term satisfaction and often felt pretty hungry before dinner came along. In actuality, I cut out tons of sauces, jams, and the like and started eating most foods plain (and often kind of bland) because those were calories I could spend better elsewhere.
Then we went off the extreme diet and tried to just eat healthy. I'd have a good old pb&j (with less j than the old days and still on low cal bread) or I'd just have it on an apple slice or banana so I could still enjoy the flavor. The point is, this made PB last months in our house. I buy at Costco - 2 large jars. I bought them a year ago and we just ran out last month so I picked up a regular jar at Target thinking it would last anyway.
Well, last week, I cut up and apple, doled out 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, and had it with coffee for breakfast. Holy cow. I thought "Is this what fresh peanut butter tastes like? Were those jars older than I realized?" So tasty! I knew I had the same brand and had picked up creamy as usual. Next morning, I had it on banana and could not get over how delicious it tasted.
Third day, I'm making a pb&j for Jane's lunch (we only do it about once a month or so because kids don't need all the sugar either, right?) and I look at the jar. Huh. Did they redesign the package? It seems a little less blue. Nope. It's 25% less fat - and by this, about 50 calories less per serving!
Long story to say that I love love love when you think something tastes better and then realize it's better for you!
Full Disclosure
People often ask if we've lost more weight. Simple question, but by now you've probably guessed it's kind of a pet peeve. Frankly, it's no one else's business. Mostly I buck up and admit we haven't, but we're trying to maintain. Sometimes they say that's great, as long as you're not gaining.
But the secret is I do gain. And lose. And go back on the diet and fall off the wagon and up and down. It's about a 10 pound fluctuation so it's not really anything to be concerned about, but I'd really like to go down down down. Who wouldn't? The stupid thing is I'll be doing great on the diet, lose a little, then get depressed before I fall off the wagon. You'd think depression would come after? Maybe my hormones are still off from the surgery last year, but... that's eighteen months ago.
Either way, I'm super frustrated and feeling again like there's no support. When Scott wanted to lose weight, I supported him; just like when he wanted to go back to school and the time he wanted to change jobs after 16 years at one company. Where's my support? Not to complain because I've been appreciating him a lot more recently, but... when it comes to this, we can both stand to lose. His balance isn't awesome at all, he's not very flexible, and he still gets winded if we speed walk - three things that are not true for me so on the overall health, it seems like I've got less work to do.
Well, anyway, now I'm high on frustration because I've been counting calories, working out extra, been very careful for two weeks now. Just weighed myself and lost 1 pound. In two weeks of feeling very stressed and working really hard, that number changing so slightly makes me angry and frustrated. I don't know what to do to increase. Yeah, I should be happy about one pound, but I can't be when I'm working as hard as I was when I was able to lose an average of 2 pounds a week - and the first weeks I lost more because of the change in diet so why isn't it working?
I guess because we weren't going way way overboard, but honestly the last couple of months, we have. Makes me tired. It also makes me want to hole up in the house whenever someone asks if I've lost more weight. I mean, the fact that we did is obviously proof that we can and as we know, everyone else gets to decide my happy weight (insert 'sarcasm' sign here) so please. Ask me about it more. It's the only thing I am of value; my weight.
Off to do my first workout of the day, now, and try not to get discouraged.
When we started our diet ages ago, I pretty much cut peanut butter out of my diet. I love it immensely, but when calculating the amounts, I just didn't get enough long term satisfaction and often felt pretty hungry before dinner came along. In actuality, I cut out tons of sauces, jams, and the like and started eating most foods plain (and often kind of bland) because those were calories I could spend better elsewhere.
Then we went off the extreme diet and tried to just eat healthy. I'd have a good old pb&j (with less j than the old days and still on low cal bread) or I'd just have it on an apple slice or banana so I could still enjoy the flavor. The point is, this made PB last months in our house. I buy at Costco - 2 large jars. I bought them a year ago and we just ran out last month so I picked up a regular jar at Target thinking it would last anyway.
Well, last week, I cut up and apple, doled out 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, and had it with coffee for breakfast. Holy cow. I thought "Is this what fresh peanut butter tastes like? Were those jars older than I realized?" So tasty! I knew I had the same brand and had picked up creamy as usual. Next morning, I had it on banana and could not get over how delicious it tasted.
Third day, I'm making a pb&j for Jane's lunch (we only do it about once a month or so because kids don't need all the sugar either, right?) and I look at the jar. Huh. Did they redesign the package? It seems a little less blue. Nope. It's 25% less fat - and by this, about 50 calories less per serving!
Long story to say that I love love love when you think something tastes better and then realize it's better for you!
Full Disclosure
People often ask if we've lost more weight. Simple question, but by now you've probably guessed it's kind of a pet peeve. Frankly, it's no one else's business. Mostly I buck up and admit we haven't, but we're trying to maintain. Sometimes they say that's great, as long as you're not gaining.
But the secret is I do gain. And lose. And go back on the diet and fall off the wagon and up and down. It's about a 10 pound fluctuation so it's not really anything to be concerned about, but I'd really like to go down down down. Who wouldn't? The stupid thing is I'll be doing great on the diet, lose a little, then get depressed before I fall off the wagon. You'd think depression would come after? Maybe my hormones are still off from the surgery last year, but... that's eighteen months ago.
Either way, I'm super frustrated and feeling again like there's no support. When Scott wanted to lose weight, I supported him; just like when he wanted to go back to school and the time he wanted to change jobs after 16 years at one company. Where's my support? Not to complain because I've been appreciating him a lot more recently, but... when it comes to this, we can both stand to lose. His balance isn't awesome at all, he's not very flexible, and he still gets winded if we speed walk - three things that are not true for me so on the overall health, it seems like I've got less work to do.
Well, anyway, now I'm high on frustration because I've been counting calories, working out extra, been very careful for two weeks now. Just weighed myself and lost 1 pound. In two weeks of feeling very stressed and working really hard, that number changing so slightly makes me angry and frustrated. I don't know what to do to increase. Yeah, I should be happy about one pound, but I can't be when I'm working as hard as I was when I was able to lose an average of 2 pounds a week - and the first weeks I lost more because of the change in diet so why isn't it working?
I guess because we weren't going way way overboard, but honestly the last couple of months, we have. Makes me tired. It also makes me want to hole up in the house whenever someone asks if I've lost more weight. I mean, the fact that we did is obviously proof that we can and as we know, everyone else gets to decide my happy weight (insert 'sarcasm' sign here) so please. Ask me about it more. It's the only thing I am of value; my weight.
Off to do my first workout of the day, now, and try not to get discouraged.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)