Not a single puff since Tuesday! I think rough patch is over. Even if something bad happens, I think I can resist the temptation of smoking now. Hopefully. I am almost positive that I'm to the point where I can smoke one if I freak out and then not need another for months. I'll take that. I'll take anything less than every day and feeling the need to buy a pack instead of just a want.
As for the other things, well... I don't get it. I have done it so I know I can do it. Why can't I seem to get on track? I know before I was focused on eating better, not over eating, and exercising. Now I can only seem to think about the lbs I want lose. The mindset might be the problem, but it is honestly something I've been trying to talk myself into for weeks and it is not happening. Two nights ago (yeah, coincidence that it was the first day I had gone completely without smoking? I doubt it.) I said "I give up!" and then I just ate whatever I wanted. The sucky part is I didn't feel bad about it. Or maybe it's good that I didn't feel bad because I am so tired of feeling bad about things; feeling guilty for not dieting and thinking everyone who knows I have lost a bunch of weight is looking at me and thinking I'm a failure for eating a mozzarella stick... OH melty cheeses. You are my frenemy.
Keeping myself busy partly by making more stuff for my Etsy page (between temp job, running errands, and yes, I've actually been getting some writing and a lot of editing done). Busy is the key, I think.
Gum supply: dented, but hanging in there. In fact, I think I need a some starlight mint ice cream...in gum form. Thank you Extra!
I hear ya - tired of guilt, tired of not being able to do what I did in the past, tired of the frenemy relationship with pizza & other cheesy goodness...
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts. You always put into words what I want to say, but feel like I can't.