Are you giving good advice or being a dismissive jerk?

If I have to hear this - or any variation of it - one more time, I sometimes think I might lose my mind!

In order to lose weight, you just have to burn more calories than you eat. No kidding. Really? What are you? A genius?

Do you really think saying that (or "eat less, exercise more", "keep active and watch what you eat", etc) makes you sound smart? Like some kind of weight loss guru? Come on! It's the most dismissive thing you can say to someone. It actually makes you a little bit of a jerk.

You can count calories fairly easily these days. On the internet you can get ideas of how many calories are in all those foods that don't come with labels (fruit is the first thing that pops into mind). You can also find charts that give an idea of how many calories you are burning per activity, but those rarely take into account things like your weight (if you weigh more, you'll burn more since you have more to carry around. Thinner people can replicate the numbers by adding weights), your previous activity level, how fast your heart is beating and how much sweat you are building. Many things can affect your calorie burning, but none of it is taken into account. Additionally, you burn calories just by getting our of bed, taking a shower, and even breathing. How on earth are you expected to calculate those calories? It's impossible!

In a general 30 minute workout - which is all that is really asked of an obese person starting out - we probably only burn about 150-250 calories. Are we meant to only eat 200 calories a day to offset that? Of course not! That perspective is what makes that "advice" dismissive and bordering on rude. Funny how the people who give that advice are not the kind of people who have ever spent time counting calories and calculating how many they burn in a day. Oh, right, because they think simply by understanding the concept they are somehow smarter than those of us actually doing the work. Guess what? I already knew that stupid thing you just said. I just understand it better than you.

When asked casually how we're losing weight, though, we do respond with a variation. "We're eating less and exercising more." Of course, this is only used with the same people who ask "How are you?" and only want to hear "Fine" because it's a polite question that does not require a sophisticated answer.

It's easy, but it's complicated. It's possible, but it's not always fun. It does, I have found, get easier and more fun as it all becomes part of life, though.

I just want people (in my ideal, unrealistic, utopian world) who say these things to realize that their comments are cliche, redundant, useless, and completely dismissive to a real struggle that someone else is having. I want people to know that a simple "you look great" compliment goes a long way and does not need to be related specifically to weight. I wish people understood that even if they like their comment about burning vs. eating calories, when the subject comes up and that person is on the thin side talking to someone who clearly isn't, it is perfectly okay not to say anything at all.

Hmm. That last bit could be true in an entire world view, couldn't it? Not just regarding weight, exercise, or even health, but also politics, religion, and day to day living. Sometimes it's okay not to say anything at all!